


I don’t even know :)

by RimoO



Category: Among Us (Video Game), Minecraft (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RimoO/pseuds/RimoO
Summary: This is just for me to put my feelings, this is not a fanfic or story. There may be some depressing lines but that should be it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Page/chapter one.  
I’m sure I’ll write more when I get upset again lmao.

I hate doing things for attention and I really don’t want to be doing that with this, but I just feel like I need to say this if I don’t wimp out first. 

I didn’t have many friends to begin with but the only people I’m talking to right now are online. I just had surgery and I’m stuck inside, I can’t put any weight on my foot. I don’t like interacting with people, especially my mom since our relationship is so strained. I can’t go upstairs and choose to be alone and my parents stay downstairs when they’re home from work until they go to bed. I’m already exhausted from online school (which sucks btw) and I don’t wanna be around people. 

I have ADHD and take medicine to help me focus in school, I didn’t realize how badly it was effecting me until we had February break, I had my surgery the first day of break so I wasn’t taking my adhd meds. The first day back I logged on, I didn’t eat besides breakfast which was only something small. My appetite was fine the whole week even with my pain meds. 

I realized how depressed my meds make me, It’s like my personality gets buried under a layer of the medication and by the time it wears off I’m too tired to care. 

Even now it’s after school and I’m hungry but I don’t want to eat. 

Really the only reason I’m smiling is because of youtubers I watch. I started watching dream, George, and Sap a little before quarantine happened. I also started watching Corpse and the gang play among us around that time. 

After writing this my head feels more clear and I feel like a dark cloud has been lifted, even if nobody reads this, I still got it out. 

I’m 17 years old and my mother still treats me like a child, I’ve been wanting Twitter so I can follow everyone and I’m not allowed to. Do I know why? Nope. 

She still checks my phone and all my messages and who I talk to because she doesn’t believe I can think for myself and be safe. 

I’m okay at art and drawing, I really love to do it but being surrounded by people who are amazing at drawing I just feel like I was left behind and I’ll never be able to be as good as I want to be. It’s always that I get an image in my head of what I want to draw or create and I start and I just can’t do it. And then I get frustrated with myself and drawing and stop. I got interesting in digital art when I took a photo class and we were able to use photoshop and all that. 

I’ve wanted a laptop for years now- even buying it with my own money- and my mother still has not let me get one. Which I really don’t understand, it’s not like she’s paying for it. 

I turn to books and YouTube videos to make me happy and distract me from life and stress. I’ve read so much on Wattpad and paper books that it’s make me develop a love for writing, I’ve never been able to write an actual story though. 

Just earlier I decided I wanted to create the SMP characters on Minecraft, and was excited to start. I quickly realized it wasn’t working out and got discouraged. I then came up with an image that I really wanted to create on paper. 

I quickly got upset because I realized I could even try to draw what I wanted since I don’t have an iPad or laptop. Which I know sounds extremely rude of me. I should be grateful for everything I have.. and yet I want more. I bought my xbox in 2017 and I got a PS4 Christmas of 2019. I love playing on them but I’m often alone online too. I’m an only child as well which does not help. 

Watching videos from them was refreshing to me because I realized there were nice people out there (not that there aren’t anyway) it’s the fact that all of them have a big following but are so nice and respectful to each other and everyone else. 

They’re the role models we didn’t know we needed. :) 

Especially with Corpse, who is super inspiring to people with health problems as well and he proves that we can still do what we want and what makes us happy. 

I’ve gotten so many laughs from watching the group play Minecraft it’s crazy. What I find the funniest is that I’ve never watched a video from the other members but I know who they are just because of tiktok. My fypage was literally just Minecraft for months XD

I’m kinda all over the place here but I’m writing this as I go and it basically just came as I started writing.

I just feel like I can connect to them so much with Minecraft and it’s so easy to become a fan. 

I imagine what it must feel like to talk to them everyday and just how fun and entertaining it would be. Just being apart of a group like that who are all supportive of everyone is so comforting. 

I have started listening to Wilbur’s song tho and it’s so fun to bop my head to. Roadtrip is also amazing and I listen to them so much. 

Now that I’ve written this it feels weird to post somewhere... it’s everything that makes me down and tired but also what makes me happy. 

I’m happier now and don’t feel like I’m going to cry anymore.


	2. Two

Y’all it’s not good right now... I lost my retainers because my dad threw them out. I’m stuck on the couch because I can’t walk due to my surgery and I took them out to eat one night and my dad threw them out... like I get that they’re clear and everything but how do you not see two sets of teeth? He’s done this before too but I was able to find them in the trash before they went out to the truck.. this time I wasn’t so lucky :|

My mom blames me of course but what’s new. She also has expressed she doesn’t like me watching the group streams. her words and I quote “you’re killing me with these streams” I just sat there like 😬 sorry you don’t like what’s actually made me happy in god knows how long. 

So yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot shorter but I quickly wrote this as I’m doing school work. Thanks for reading tho :)


	3. Three

Kinda different today but if anyone needs a proofreader or editor, I’ll gladly help! This isn’t something I want to make money off or anything, I just want to do it for fun and I haven’t been able to find any websites or anything :(. I want to be able to practice it and I just love reading/writing. And it would be something to do while I’m stuck on bed rest. .......Also why is the note from the first page still here.. idk how to get it off XD

**Author's Note:**

> Well if you read all of that then thanks I guess😂. You now know what goes on in my mess of a head


End file.
